Years I’ve heard rumblings about these dreaded blue balls that men apparently suffer on occasion. But never have I had the good fortune to witness this phenomenon. And do you know, if you look it up in Google images, there are no pictures really. It’s unusual not to be able to find a picture on the Internet. Mind you, I only quickly looked because I didn’t need to see one anymore.
I was driving back from a meeting the other day with my business partner. Since we were going to drive by the Loblaws, I asked her if she’d mind if I made a quick stop. I needed a couple of things. Since she wasn’t in any great rush, we made the stop. How I love that particular Loblaws. I get so much enjoyment out of it and that day was no exception. We flew right up the produce department and on the way, that’s when I spotted them…the blue balls!! We continued on but by the time we got to the top of the produce section, I couldn’t go any further. I just had to go back and take a closer look! Right there in the mushrooms were a set of blue balls and I was fascinated. I had to show her. She’d never seen any either, she confirmed. And in my fascination, I kept showing them to her. I finally looked over at her and she was looking slightly uncomfortable but I thought perhaps that was just my perception. So I put them down and off we went to get my two things that I needed when suddenly I told her that I needed to take a picture! “Seriously???”, she says. “Seriously!!!”, I replied.
So back we go to the mushrooms and I pull out my phone and ask her to take a picture. There we are, standing at the mushrooms with tons of people going by trying to get their produce and things. Meanwhile, I’m telling her to get a good angle while I position the blue balls exactly as I want them. She takes a shot and I have a look. I decide that it’s not quite what I want so I get her to reposition herself and take another shot. She’s not liking this so much. I don’t really know why. After all, how often do you get to see such a thing? After a couple more shots I realize that she’s looking embarrassed. It’s practically impossible to embarrass her but this time she was fidgety, rushing the shots and turning red all at the same time while I’m busily instructing her to get down low to get a proper shot. Here I am having some fun with the mushroom but she was thinking that it was just a bit much to be fondling the mushrooms and then slapping them up to my crotch for a shot in the middle of the Loblaws. She did get a good laugh out of the pictures though, but not until we had put the poor thing back and moved on to another aisle. I have to admit, I’m really happy that she was there and played along because perhaps it would have looked even weirder had I been holding that mushroom with one hand and shooting it with the other. I might have had to buy the appendage to shoot it in the privacy of my home. Nevertheless, I’m convinced that this mushroom is a very close approximation of the dreaded blue balls. Don’t you think?