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The child I never had

When I answered the phone this morning, she launched right into her apology and all the reasons why she did it.  She spoke so fast that not only did I have a hell of a time following, but I couldn’t get a word in edgewise.  So I listened until she took a breath.  Right after I answered the phone, in French, she started in English.  “Mom, I’m really really sorry but like really, it wasn’t my fault.  Like I didn’t know that that’s what was going to happen and like I tried really hard to stop it, I swear, I did my best and like I just don’t think it’s right that you think it’s all my fault.  I’m going to tell you the truth Mom, but like you have to listen!  Are you listening?…”.  Good thing she asked because she probably wouldn’t have noticed if I’d put the phone down and left to get a coffee.  She didn’t actually pause after that question though, she continued even faster and in my complete confusion, I just sat there wondering if I should try interrupting her or continue to wait.  I waited.

SwitchboardThis went on for another good minute or two and still I had no clue what exactly had even happened.  Now I was dying to know and was anxiously hoping she’d get to the part about what she actually did.  Clearly her mother already knew, I assume, based on the way she was carrying on.  But no, she still hadn’t gotten to the point when suddenly she stopped and said, “Mom?…Mom???”, then paused.  My suspicion is that perhaps my silence was totally out of character.  I had to assume that by now I should have either said something or had a different reaction.  Then, out of nowhere I blurted out, “It’s alright dear, we all make excruciatingly stupid mistakes.”  After another short pause, she says almost in a completely different voice, “Do I have the wrong number?”, to which I replied, “Quite possibly as I have no daughter.”  “Oh shit shit shit!”, she replies, then pauses again before saying, “Oh my god, I’m like sooooo sorry.  Like oh…my…GOD!!  [Heavy sigh]  I wish you were my mother!  I’m really sorry”.  I wished her luck and hoped that her practice run was worthwhile.

I bet you she’d been up half the night rehearsing this phone call in her head.  Imagine getting halfway through a call like that and starting to feel the relief of getting it over with, only to realize that you called the wrong damn number and you have to start all over again.  I imagined her hanging up the phone and saying, “Like ffffuck!!!”.




  1. Oh too bad that you didn’t get the story! You could have coaxed her to practice on you seeing that she had already started. :) I guess you could call her back and ask her how it went!! Haha!

    This is a really fun story and it’s fun how things happen sometimes. I love it! :)

    • You know, it never crossed my mind to call her back. Maybe I should do just that and start the call with, “This is your mother”, just to see how she reacts to that line. What fun it could be! :)

  2. Things happen for a reason. You probably gave her some strength to face what was coming. A practice run is always good. Too funny and I love your words of wisdom.

    • Thanks Sue! I sure hope the practice run was worthwhile for her. In any case, I enjoyed it!!


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