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Do I need permission to feel good?

“You can speak your mind but not on my time”.  – Billy Joel

This morning as I was enjoying a most delicious cup of coffee, thoughts were going through my mind.  Recent discussions with different people have gotten me to thinking.  You know, we all seem to love to feel good.  At least I get the impression that it is something we seek and go after.  But then this morning, while playing back in my mind various stories, vignettes in people’s lives, I got to wondering.  Do we actually question the concept of “wanting” to feel good?  I mean, do we see that as a selfish desire or a bad thing somehow?  Do we talk ourselves into feeling guilty for feeling good?  I wonder if we don’t let ourselves be influenced by others who resist feeling good…you know, “them”.  I’ve come to the conclusion that some people would rather actually feel bad.  It sounds strange to say but honestly, when I stop to think about it, I have to wonder.  Okay, let me explain…

So here’s a scenario…you’ve been feeling down about this or that and things just don’t seem to be going your way.  So you finally decide that it’s time to perhaps change a few things in an effort to move out of that space where you just aren’t feeling so good.  And suddenly you hit upon something that makes you feel better and so you go with it, let go of other things and follow it through.  You are now feeling better and figure out that if you continue along that vein, you can actually sustain that better feeling.  You are happier now, feeling great even.  You would think, perhaps even assume, that the people around you would be happy for you and maybe even inspired by the changes you’ve made.  Yet you start to receive confusing messages.  You confront resistance that leads you to believe that perhaps they aren’t as happy for you as you thought they’d be.  Why?  Why are they not happy to see you feeling better?  Is there something wrong with feeling better and being happy?  Is it actually more comfortable to feel like shit?

Yes, I’m perplexed because suddenly those things that people have been saying they want, when they see them happening for you or others (because you’re making them happen, of course), they don’t seem to be so happy about these positive changes and they want to bring you back down rather than come join you where you are…in the fun and the feel good.  Whatever for???

It’s too bad that there’s such a negative connotation to the term selfishness.  Doing things for yourself that make you feel great isn’t selfish one bit.  In fact, it’s extremely generous because when you feel great, others benefit from that.  Well, those who want to feel good too.  Those who would rather whine and complain and carry on with their endless need to be the victim will resist you.  What a shame.  Feeling good is really a great place to be and so much easier.  Do you agree?

Yes, yesterday I was angry.  They got on my nerves and threw me off course.  They took control of my life (ah, now it’s out of my hands!).  Last night, I decided that I didn’t have to allow that.  Today, it’s my day, my way and now I’m feeling great again!  Because I decided that it would be so.  And I shall carry that intention through the week and beyond…  Me, I like to feel good!!  Make it so, number one!

That’s right, yesterday I threw myself a pity party and succumbed to Daniel Powter.  Love the song but today I decided that Billy Joel was a better attitude to work from today.  (And by the way, I want to qualify the quote by Billy Joel above…I started my day dancing to Joel’s song and am speaking to them with that quote.  So please don’t think it means I don’t want to hear from you.  I am LOVING all your contributions, feedback, sharing and comments.  Let’s keep talking…).

Check out how beautiful pure love, joy and exhilaration look!  How do you think they’re feeling?

9 Comments

  1. I love the picture….they look free, free from all that we allow ourselves to get caught up with when we grow up.
    I cannot imagine anyone being down around you when you are up. You are contagious from where I sit. Since you jumped down off that fence I have had my wheels turning. Maybe they don’t turn as fast as your wheels, but they are turning. With each article I read I get more excited about my future. Maybe that in a way could be considered selfish. After all it is not all about me. However the way you write and the possibilities you expose, the provoking question you make your readers ask themselves could only make them want to take the road marked: Adventure!

    The only thing I can say about people who want to bring you down when you are up is a quote from my mom who was very positive “misery loves company”. There are some people who will never be happy and always see the glass half empty, and they don’t want to be alone in that.

    Reply
    • Oh this is good Sue…wanting to take the road marked “Adventure”. Here’s one for you…what if you DID make it all about you, even if just for a little while? What if?

      And here’s another one, since you’ve got me thinking…okay, so yes, the adage says that misery loves company…does that imply therefore that joy loves solitude???

      Yes, this is a great discussion. I’m really happy to hear all these points of view. I can understand that people don’t want to be alone in their misery but wouldn’t it then be easier for them to go find more miserable people rather than try to drag in the joyous? What a peculiar thing this misery loves company business. Why in heavens name would one choose misery over joy?

      Reply
      • I think it is natural for people, for anyone to be attracted to someone that has vitality, seems joyous, and self assured. Why else would people be so crazy about following pop star, and movie stars? It is not the role of the miserable person to stay away, it is the role of the joyous, self assured to create boundaries. For me personally I find that looking back at my life thus far,… the more insecure and unsure I was of myself and who I was, the more I attracted and held on to miserable people…. who wanted to make me miserable. It is not a matter of pushing away miserable people but simply of not feeding their misery by catering to it. By creating boundaries and a clear focus as to who I want around me and in my life,and how I want to feel, the more these types of people seems to drift away, not feeling fed by my lack of interest, thereby leaving room for people to enter my life who are inspiring to me, and lift me to new heights…

        Reply
        • Oh, I do like looking at it from this vantage point. It changes everything, doesn’t it? Thanks for these insights. It’s amazing how much we can learn from each other through sharing our thoughts and experiences and expanding on how we come to certain conclusions and so forth. I’m enjoying this a lot. Thank you!

          Reply
  2. It is interesting how one person’s thoughts can resonate with a number of people, even when we do not know the context. I guess I interpret your ramblings in light of my own issues and give them my spin, just like your photographs. Relationships can be complicated, but I feel most people who are “friends” are around you because it suits them. If nothing were to change, then the friendship would last. Few really care, other than the role that you provide in their lives. That is why it is so difficult to change course, you have to do it alone.

    Of course we are selfish in that we must do what we need to do to achieve goals or to simply survive. And of course we are selfless in that we must do what we need to do to fulfill our role of mother, spouse, daughter, sister, friend… I think it is difficult to balance the two.

    I too find it important to analyse situations, especially when my emotions are raw. Too many times I just get swept away by the negative emotion, and I have difficulty seeing clearly. I think it may be a good time to so now…

    Reply
    • I agree, that negative emotion is consuming…and utterly exhausting really. Oof!!

      “If nothing were to change, then the friendship would last”. Fair enough, but wouldn’t it get stale? Does there not need to be change in order to grow and move forward???

      I have to say, luckily the context I was writing about here did not involve friends or people close to me but rather, acquaintances…people I need to deal with in my day to day. But, in a more general sense (which is why I didn’t specifically include the context) I’ve seen this same thing happen between people who are closer than being mere acquaintances.

      Reply
  3. We all know we can’t avoid bad days. It’s part of life. Yin/Yang, black/white, war/peace, bad day/good day. The secret is to be able to bounce back quickly and you, my friend, are an inspiration. Hurray for intentions! When I need a boost, I love to listen to Queen’s We are the champions, and I simply sing along, changing the “We are” for “I am”. Have a great day, Kharim!

    Reply
    • And again, thank you for this! Yes, we do need the bad days to be able to recognize the good ones. Imagine if all the days were good…would we notice?

      Reply
  4. Oh yeah, these are all great comments. Thanks everyone for making see things from different perspectives and sharing with me. You’re making me think!!! I do like that. I tell you, some days are about as effective as trying to push a noodle. But a different spin on it can solve the problem and get you back in the saddle…

    Reply

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