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Puss ‘n Boots and the Killer Doors

Sometimes you just see the funniest things…

I have to give a little disclaimer before I launch into my story. I have been told that I have a rather perverse sense of humour. And with that, I have to share this story because it just had me pissing my pants.

On Saturday I headed out to the local pharmacy to pick up some business for my fever. Having completed my shopping, I thought I’d stop by the video store and get a nice little movie, dose myself up and then park it in front of the tube. I had parked my car facing the pharmacy. The place was virtually empty. I had the time to get into my car when I look up and see Puss ‘n Boots come barrelling out of the store. This was a woman on a mission. I call her Puss ‘n Boots because she was wearing knee length boots that roll down at the top with a good 5″ spike for heels. Into those boots were long skinny legs carefully wrapped in a tight pair of jeans and on top she had a waist length, form fitting leather jacket. So, she wasn’t dressed up for Halloween or anything, this was just what she had on. I probably wouldn’t have noticed in such detail if it hadn’t been for the fabulous stunt that she pulled trying to get herself out of the store. She was probably in her 40’s.

So she’s coming at the doors with serious determination and they are the type of sliding doors that open automatically. As she approached the door, the doors began to open. Of course, anyone would go through…like she attempted to do. But just as she reached the doors, they closed again. They had only partially opened, about halfway and then promptly shut again to almost closed. There was about a 3 inch opening. And poor Puss n’ Boots went crashing right into the doors. But then, just then, the doors opened again and she fell right through the opening after smashing into those doors. Then, trying desperately not to fall flat on her face, she did a series of rather fancy steps in those spikey boots of hers that I would never be able to recreate if I tried. It was absolutely fascinating. Then, as if that weren’t enough, she finally got her balance, halfway out into the parking lot, stood up and made this face that was just the icing on the sundae. Holy geez! I think her facial expression was a combination of being totally pissed off and maybe having a bit of a headache from smashing her face into the doors. Whatever it was, all I could think of was those cartoons where the stubbed toes pop back out one by one.

Poor Puss ‘n Boots. She was not a happy camper and there I was sitting in my car roaring with laughter. I could blame it on the fever, but I know it’s just my sense of humour. I couldn’t even get my car started from laughing so hard. So I’m sitting there having completely lost all composure when I look up at the door and now there is a couple coming through. So I wait and I watch… Now this couple is the complete opposite of Puss ‘n Boots. They are probably in their mid-50’s and they are dressed like they just walked out of some type of board meeting or something. He’s got quite a nice suit and tie on and she’s dressed like she’s going to a cocktail party with him. He’s walking about 10 feet ahead of her and gets to the door which doesn’t open at this point. It is completely closed. He stops in front of the door, looks up at the thingie thing that detects when to open it then waves his hand. Nothing happens. Meanwhile, she has pretty much caught up to him and stopped about 5 feet behind him and just stands there watching him with absolutely no expression whatsoever on her face. He takes 3 steps back and then comes forward again. Nothing happens. I’m trying not to laugh from the Puss n’ Boots vignette because I don’t want to miss any of this action.

At last, after doing his 3 steps back, 3 forward again a couple more times, he decides to investigate further. Madame behind him has still not moved or flinched. He decides to pry the doors open himself. The doors then open about ¾’s of the way and then stop. He could’ve gone through but he doesn’t. In his suit and his nice shoes, he decides to fix the doors. So he stands between them and pushes them fully open. Good, that worked. Then he gets on the other side, standing outside and tries to push them back closed again. They go halfway, then open again. He proceeds with several other variations until finally at one point they are open ¾’s again. He then parks himself sideways right in between the doors. And sure enough, he goes to push them open and instead they shut…right on him! And still, Madame doesn’t move. Now he can’t get the damn things open. He’s standing there sandwiched between the doors in his expensive corporate suit. She’s standing 5 feet behind the doors holding her bag of whatever she bought and still no expression and definitely no thought to help. Mind you, I’m no better because I’m sitting in my car splittling a gut! Eventually he gets the doors open again, straightens out his suit and finally decides to forget about fixing them and instead goes back into the store. I assume to let them know that the doors are broken.

And there I sat, debating whether to forget the movie and just get myself some popcorn and spend a couple of hours sitting in the parking lot of the pharmacy…

Sometimes you just see the funniest things. You’d see that in a movie and you’d say, “That’s Hollywood!”. But this was real life unfolding right before my eyes…

Kharim

23 Comments

  1. What a shame you couldn’t capture these extremely special moments through a lens (for yourself of course)! Thanks for sharing your funny thoughts. Love the new online presence. Your personality simply shines through your words.

    Reply
    • Thanks Laurie!! I agree, it was one of those times that I’d wished I had my camera…actually, a video camera…

      Reply
  2. From your description I can picture poor Puss n’ Boots doing her dance of bewilderment. And by the way a bet you could reproduce it without even trying. Great story or should I say movie. Thanks for the laughs.

    Reply
    • I’m going to have to post a video because actually, there IS something out there that is similar to the funky steps Puss ‘n Boots was doing that night. You just made me think of it by your comment. Thanks Sue. I’m going to find it and see where I can post that. You’ll get more laughs…

      Reply
      • This story makes me laugh everytime… I think we’ve all had some kind of experience with a sliding door somewhere at one point in our lives, don’t you think?

        Oh yes, you must post that video!

        Reply
        • :) Okay, I will try to post it in the comments. Check the comments below…hopefully it will work…

          Reply
  3. What made me laugh out loud reading your story is imagining YOU roaring in your car. I could almost hear you laugh and picture you slapping a hand on your thigh. I would have definitely joined you in spending an evening enjoying the show!

    Reply
    • Oh you’ve got that right…I was absolutely roaring!! I could barely see from all the tears of laughter. We’ll pick up some popcorn and go check out the next show at the pharmacy doors…

      Reply
      • Can I come too? I can bring beverages 😉

        Reply
        • But of course!!! You know, we might be able to revive the “Drive-in movie” concept… 😉

          Reply
          • Great concept for a workshop…. well, one day… perhaps…

  4. Open, Simsim! Close, Simsim! LOL!
    I totally agree with Kathleen! I hear you, I imagine you, I laugh with you! Keep on writing!!! :-)

    Reply
    • Thank you Helen! Yes yes, I’ll keep on writing…do keep on laughing… It feels good! :)

      Reply
  5. Here it is, the video I was talking about above. This is the closest thing I can find to what Puss ‘n Boots was doing out in the parking lot with her fancy footwork. OMG, this video has me in hysterics every time!!

    httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvPkUMRE7yg

    Reply
    • Hahaha!!! It doesn’t matter how many times I watch this, it makes me laugh just as hard the the first time I saw it.
      OMG, it’s too funny!
      Thanks for posting this one.

      Reply
  6. LOL!!! This is HILARIOUS! I’ve never seen such wobbly ankles!! And this man dying of laughter cracked me up as much as that poor girl! Thanks for a great laugh!

    Reply
    • I tell you, when you’re having one of those days, come watch this again. It’s the best remedy out there!! 😉

      Reply
      • This still cracks me up! It is exactly how I envisioned Puss n’ Boots when you first told me! Absolutely hysterical! Gotta love the slo-motion in the video!! Too – too funny!! 😀

        Reply
  7. Kharim…ok I get your type of humor now! I watched it over and over just cracking up. I’m not sure what made me laugh more the “platform shoe meltdown” or the contagious laughter in the background?! One thing is for sure…there’s a model out there who is desperately looking for a new career! lol

    Reply
    • Thanks for checking it out Patricia!! It doesn’t matter how people describe this, it makes me laugh! I wonder how she’s doing in her career search… :)

      Reply
      • Maybe she changed careers and is a gardener… after all, the watering can helped her get back onto her feet again!! 😀

        Reply
        • Hey Jeannie, what fun to see you here!!! At last, someone who noticed the arm action. We’re so focused on the feet but there’s some good stuff happening with that arm too. I can’t stop watching this one.

          If you liked this one, go check out the video in this article: http://hoganvisions.com/2010/04/29/i-had-a-feeling/

          Reply
  8. Thinking of you telling that story is funnier than the story itself!!

    Reply

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